be yourself is not easy

did you ever thought that the words 'be yourself' is a good term and many people use it as their life's motto.
but.. did you ever thought that it's not that easy to improve that words into your life..

i'm trying to be myself. trying to show everyone 'this is me'
i'm trying to keep everything under-control... but i know in reality it's not so easy

maybe not everyone can't accept the way i do. maybe most of them hate and dislike me..
maybe i'm just someone whom egoist.. who thought that it's okay..

but.. it's not my plan.. it's not my dessicions.. it's not what i want

i tried to be someone better. someone can be accepted by everyone. someone that make them happy and like me.
but it's not me.. it's not the way i do..


why i was so wrong in everything i did?
why i can't be myself

okay.. i'm sarcastic.. 'jutek' arrogant, and in someone i'm a big-mouth person

but.. judge in everything i do it's not the deal
maybe i just be quite and nodding in everything you said. but in my heart, i'm crying

i know you're told me for my kindliness, but did you ever realize that it hurts me more?
it showed that you can't accept the way i do. the way i look. the way i speak. the way i am.

this is me.. please accept that..
i'm not a person that can change for someone
this is me.. someone like that. someone asshole and bad etc
but please understand me.. i want all of you to understand me


P.S. i was being like this because something.. i hope you trust me.. :)

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not alone anymore

okelah. idul adha tahun ini ada perkembangan. gw ga lebaran sendirian lagi.
Thx to tante pie and her family yg uda mau ngajak gw hehe
Emang sh awalnya rada males plus bete soalnya bgung mau ngapain.jdnya gw kebanyakan makan-tidur kerjaannya..hehe
Actually kerinduan gw akan rumah rada terobati krn gw ga harus melalui lebaran sendirian..

Tp ada hal2 yg skrg bkin gw galau. Masa lalu yg seakan hendak terulang utk kedua kalinya.
Smalam gw curhat sama fitri dan alhamdulillah kegalauan gw agak berkurang.
Yg penting gw skarang pgen kuat dan semangat. Ga peduli lagi gw tu org mau ngapain..

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i try

what's wrong with me? i've already told myself to not did the same mistakes..
what happened to me? i can't promise what i've been swore to myself.

Is something wrong with me? everytime i saw him, i remember that feelings
Is something happened to me? while i was alone, i saw him in my memories..

how can i get something wrong in me? when i try to forget you, precisely i remember you
how could something happened with me? i don't know yet

i don't know what happened and got wrong in me. i just don't know
that feels was gone already for a long time. but why it came again? please help me..

i don't understand why that person came to me. with his exclusive style getting closer with me
that things i want to avoid from me, but it just can't. because that person is like invisible

i'm trying to do the best for myself to avoid him in my mind
i'm trying harder to throw him away, to kick him out of my mind
i'm trying a lot to forget all the memories of him, all the bad and the good.
i'm trying hardest to make me HATE HIM.

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please don't repeat the same mistake farah!

oke.. memang itu kata2 yang sedang gw serukan pada diri gw..

gw kayak orang linglung skarang gara2 si makhluk jadi2an itu! EW
gw ga mau mengulang kesalahan yang sama, gw pengen hidup gw tenang damai sentosa

knp tu orang muncul lagi dengan tiba2 menjadi baik dan kemudian menjebak gw lagi?
gw ga mau terpuruk kayak dulu lagi..
gw pengen semuanya berjalan semestinya..

hadoh, puyeng pala gw lama2
rasanya pengen gw emek2 tu muka biar jadi perkedel
pengen gw siksa ampe mati, pengen gw bakar dsb.
tapi arti yg sebenarnya gw masih ga ngerti

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new and old love

have you ever thought about something missing in your life?
ya, that's what i've been thinking about..

i was in love with someone that just in my dream. someone who's perfect. i can't imagine if someone like him will choose me. but God sent me the truth that it is true.

i've ever loved someone who always keep me safe and smile. someone who's take care and being with me. someone who's don't have to tell me that he loved me cause he just show me how he bring it into reality.

i've ever in loved with someone cruel to me, whether now he was good to me (not really huh)

love is something can't defined..
something that's very complicated and hardly to believe when you're involved in.


i believe that love can show you the truth and bring you to reality
so that's why i can't treat myself to make someone love me..
love is a part of the future. it's a surprise. it's shocked you when you realize it..

i want to bring the love to my organizer, want to share it, want to prove it..

i hope it finds me... cause i believe in love :)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUFATT

ahahaha nufat.. nufat.. nasib banget dia kemaren.. 2 kali disiksa ahaha
malemnya sama reynold cs. trus sama kita2.. nasib.. nasib..

tapi gw seneng banget, ngasi surprise ke nufat jadi ajang kumpul2 lagi setelah rata2 pada sibuk dan jarang ketemu krn banyak yg uda ngambil matkul keatas..

foto2nya nih..

siap amunisi buat 'nyerang' ahaha


pengikatan dimulai


tepung + telor + kopi + kecap + air keran =ew...


brownies is the birthday cake!


buatan gw lho ini.. xixixi


HAPPY BIRTHDAY NUFAAATTT!!! XOXO ;)

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apa kabar dunia?

heiho..
gw baru aja bener2 bisa tenang setelah semua uts selesai (walau belom tenang karena gatau nilainya gimanaaa..) yah jadinya kamis kemaren setelah uts pidana, gw ber-12, karokean kayak orang gila.. pada stres semua kali yaa (termasuk gw)
dalam sejarah perkarokean baru kali ini suara gw abis.. aneh sekali.. berarti gw nyanyinya pake urat banget HAHAHA

oia.. kan minggu lalu homecoming jadinya gw sempat sakit (walau gw emang sebenernya udah flu waktu itu).. aslinya pulang homecoming gw mau nonton symphonesia.. tapi karena keadaan tidak memungkinkan akhirnya gw tepar dikosan. tiket gw akhirnya jual ke temen anak kosan..hiks.. padahal gw pengen banget nonton glenn!!!!!!
trus setelah itu gw sakit. badan gw pegel semua, jalan lemes kayak mau pingsan, maag pula :(

lengkap sudah penderitaan gw..
mana pas homecoming gw dikasi award 'teteh terbasi' fcuk deh anak 09.. minta dihajar semuanya hahaha
ah biarin, yg penting eksis gw. itu tandanya pada inget ama gw.. HAHAAHA

sekarang gw lagi linglung. termasuk masalah vitamin..
mungkin dia org yang paling ga pengen gw liat tapi paling gw pengen lihat. bingung kan? semua ini karena cinta! nyusahin gw aja
vitamin org yang udah bikin gw jatuh cinta setelah sekian lama, tapi dia juga yg bikin gw nangis setelah sekian lama. dia orangnya ga sensitif tapi peduli. serba salah gw ngedescribe dia..
setelah hal-hal itu, dia masih ngasi gw harapan. gw capek.. tapi ada sesuatu di diri gw yang selalu pengen dideket dia. karena dia selalu bikin gw nyaman, siapapun gw ;)

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